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$15 (pb); 342 pages

 

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WHAT THEY’RE SAYING ABOUT Dead White Male:

 

“I really and truly enjoyed playing the female lead in this very fine novel. I’d always wondered about that stuff Ed was hiding under the bathtub – the Mogen David, the sunglasses, the smutty magazines, etc.” – Mildred Budwieser.

 

“Yes, I admit that in my sermon I said the Eleventh Commandment is, ‘If it feels good, do it.’ I guess I should have added, ‘just as long as you don’t hurt others.’ – Rev. Tad Heedon

 

“As an ex-preacher’s ex-wife, I really take exception to all those … pornographic passages.” – Sue Heedon

 

“One correction. My first wife was Ginny and my second wife was Myrna.” Dr. Digby, DDS

 

“Digby is a skirt-chasing bastard. I hope he rots in hell.” – Carole Digby

 

“This novel is a perfect illustration of the iniquity that is rampant in America today.” – Rev. Horace Gilltrip

 

“All that was wrong with Mildred was, she’d been under a whole lot of stress, due to that … thing with Dr. Digby.” – Thelma Blossum

 

“I got a big kick out of being in this novel, even if all I got to do was tie that tag to Mr. Budwieser’s big toe.” – Nurse Comfort

 

“He was kinda cute, coming in with the two molls hanging on his arms. Rilly. I’m glad he won that trip for three to Antarctica.” – Vanna White

 

“What can you say about a novel that’s insensitive to the feelings of doctors, dentists, psychiatrists, ministers, lawyers, women – and even us poor penguins!?” – Bernadette

 

“I presented a Ph.D. to Herr Budwieser? Pure fiction.” – Albert Einstein

 

“I do not recall appearing in a vision to Ed Budwieser telling him to cash in his IRA to buy a ’72 Winnebago. And I’d certainly never advise anyone to take a penguin expedition all the way to the South Pole.” – Anonymous

 

“No comment.” – Ed Budwieser